The F**cks Theorem
Give a fuck (Phrase)
Meaning: To care or show interest.
I found myself sitting away from my friends, who were down the pink hill immersed in their usual legal activities.
Greg and I had fought a week earlier, and I could still see him looking despondent. That thought, coupled with the regular interventions of global warming, the girl on my chess team, and my thesis report, had me feeling uneasy.
Pikachu, however, noticed my mood instantly. He lit up the foreground with a thunderbolt, unveiling The F**cks Theorem for the very first time.
Pikachu explained:
Every human being is born with a specific number of fucks allocated by the Creator. A fuck is the basic unit of concern or interest assigned to a subject.
According to the National F**k Allocation Institute (NFAI), every person is born with two permanent fucks and three variable fucks.
Permanent fucks are of low concentration but are non-perishable and remain constant throughout your life. They are automatically assigned to your parents and your innermost circle.
The three variable fucks, however, are highly concentrated but short-lived. They are assigned to different people, problems, or passions at different points in your life.
The real dilemma lies in f**k management.
Most people give a fuck about far too many things and eventually stop giving a fuck about themselves. This leads to poor self-love and a chaotic state of mind. Therefore, self-love is of utmost importance.
Another form of mismanagement occurs when people give a fuck only about themselves. A rookie mistake, because this has the opposite effect, leading to resentment, loneliness and, occasionally, constipation.
Therefore, to maintain a healthy equilibrium of fucks:
- Give a fuck about yourself for at least four hours a day. It increases self-love.
- Understand that fucks are limited. Don't expect yourself to give a fuck about everything.
- Stop expecting fucks from other people. Their supply is limited too.
- Finally, remember that nobody stays angry for very long. Staying angry means wasting a precious fuck on you, and in most cases, people simply can't afford that.
Now... go and talk to Greg.
After a few seconds of silence, I quietly walked down the hill and joined Greg for a pint.
It turned out his mood was off because of his GMAT results.